Exercise 18: Transforming Repressed Internal FormationsÂ
He is aware of the eyes [ears, nose, tongue, body, mina and aware of the form [sound, smell, taste, touch, objects of mind], and he is aware of the internal formations which are produced in dependence on these two things. He is aware of the birth of a new internal formation and is aware of abandoning an already produced internal formation, and he is aware when an already abandoned internal formation will not arise again. (This is the same quote from the sutra as Exercise Seventeen, above.
This exercise aims at putting us in touch with and transforming internal formations which are buried and repressed in ourselves. The internal formations of desire, anger, fear, feeling worthless, and regret have been suppressed in our subconscious for a long time. Although they are suppressed they are always seeking ways to manifest in our feelings, thoughts, words, and actions. It is easy for us to observe our internal formations when they appear as feelings on the surface of consciousness, but internal formations that are repressed cannot appear in a direct and natural way in the conscious mind. They only disclose themselves indirectly. Thus we are not aware of their presence although they continue to tie us up and make us suffer in a latent way.
What is it that represses them and does not let them appear? It is our conscious, reasoning mind. We know that our desires and anger are not wholly acceptable to society and to our own reasoning mind, so we have found a way to repress them, to push them into remote areas of our consciousness in order to be able to forget them. This is the work of a mental formation called rnushita srnriti, forgetfulness. Contemporary psychology understands repression. Because we want to avoid suffering, there are defense mechanisms in us which push our psychological pains, conflicts, and unacceptable desires into our unconscious so that we can feel more at peace with ourselves. But our longstanding repressions are always looking for ways to manifest as words, images, and behavior which are not acceptable to society and can later become symptoms of physical and psychological illness. We may know that our words, thoughts, and behavior are destructive, but we cannot do anything about them because our internal formations are so strong.
Take for example a daughter who, on the one hand, wants to many, which means leaving her mother to live alone, and on the other hand does not want to leave her mother all alone. The daughter understands and loves her mother, but she also wants to many and live with the man she loves. However, her mother is sick and needs someone to support her, and she cannot bear the thought of leaving her alone. The opposing desires and feelings bring about an internal conflict in the daughter. And so her defense mechanism represses the pain of the conflict in her unconscious and tells her to devote her life to supporting her mother. Nevertheless, the desire to marry is still there, and the psychological conflict remains an internal formation looking for a way to manifest. She becomes irritable and says things which even she herself does not understand, and she has dreams which are incomprehensible to her. She is not happy, and so her mother cannot be happy either. In fact, her mother has been haunted for years by the fear that her daughter will leave her to get married, and it is this psychological factor which made her unexpectedly fall sick and grow weak, although she is not aware of it. When she heard her daughter say that she was not going to marry, she was very pleased, but in the depths of her heart, she suffers because she knows that her daughter cannot do something she wants to do. This conflict becomes an internal formation in the mother, which makes her suffer, and the mother also becomes irritable and says things which she herself does not understand. She also has dreams which she does not understand, and she does things without knowing why she is doing them. Neither the mother nor the daughter is happy, and both continue to suffer.
The method of curing the sorrow which comes when internal formations are repressed is the deep observation of these internal formations. But to observe them, first of all we have to find ways to bring them into the realms of the conscious mind. The method of the Sutra on the Four Establishments of Mindfulness is to practice conscious breathing in order to recognize our feelings, thoughts, words, and actions, especially those which arise automatically, as reactions to what is happening. Our reactions may have their roots in the internal formations buried inside us.