Exercise 15: Love Meditation

When anger is not present in him, he is aware, 'Anger is not present in me.' When already arisen anger is abandoned, he is aware of it. When anger already abandoned will not arise again in the future, he is aware of it .... When his mind is not attached, he is aware, 'My mind is not attached.' When his mind is not hating, he is aware, 'My mind is not hating.'

In the Anguttara Nikaya (chapter V, sutta number 161), the Buddha teaches, "If a mind of anger arises, the bhikkhu can practice the meditation on love, on compassion, or on equanimity for the person who has brought about the feeling of anger." Love meditation is a method for developing the mind of love and compassion. Love (Pali: metta, Sanskrit: maitri) is a mind which is intent on bringing peace, joy, and happiness to others. Compassion (Sanskrit: karuna) is a mind which is intent on removing the suffering which is present in others. That is the meaning of the phrase, "Love is the capacity to give joy. Compassion is the power to relieve suffering." When love and compassion are sources of energy in us, they bring peace, joy, and happiness to those dear to us and to others also.

We all have the seeds of love and compassion in us, and we can develop these fine and wonderful sources of energy. Maitri and karuna are not the kinds of love which try to possess and appropriate, to dictate and bring about suffering for ourselves and those we love. Maitri and karuna are the kind of unconditional love that does not expect anything in return. Consequently they do not result in anxiety, boredom, or sorrow.

The essence of love and compassion is understanding, the ability to recognize the suffering of others. We have to be in touch with the physical, material, and psychological suffering of others. To do so, we have to put ourselves "inside the skin" of the other. We must "go inside" their body, feelings, and mental formations, and experience their suffering. A shallow observation as an outsider will not help us see their suffering. In the Satipatthana Sutta, we are taught to be one with the object of our observation. We observe the body in the body, the feelings in the feelings, the mental formations in the mental formations.

When we are in contact with the suffering of another, a feeling of compassion is born in us immediately. Compassion literally means "to suffer with" the other. Looking in order to see the suffering in another person is the work of meditation. If we sit cross-legged, follow our breathing, and observe someone mindfully, we can be in contact with his or her suffering, and the energy of compassion arises in us. We can also do this while walking, standing, lying down, sitting, speaking, and acting, not just when we are sitting in meditation. The physical and psychological suffering of that person will be clear to us in the light of our mindful observation.

When the mind of compassion arises, we have to find ways to nourish and express it. When we come into contact with the other person, our thoughts and actions should express our mind of compassion, even if that person says and does things that are not easy to accept. We practice in this way until we see clearly that our love is not contingent upon the other person apologizing or being lovable. Then we can be sure that our mind of compassion is firm and authentic. We will recognize in ourselves some of the beautiful signs of the compassionate mind: ( 1) our sleep is more relaxed, (2) we do not have nightmares, (3) our waking-state is more at ease, (4) we are not anxious or depressed, and (5) we are protected by everyone and everything around us. The person who has been the object of our meditation on compassion will also, eventually, benefit from our meditation. His suffering will slowly diminish, and his life will gradually be brighter and more joyful.

~From Transformation and Healing by Thich Nhat Hanh