Emotional Healing
Why do so many of us continue to struggle year after year with negative emotional reactivity and affliction? Although we may long to be happy, and enjoy ease and wellbeing in our life and relationships, in spite of our best efforts, we continue to suffer from dysfunctional patterns of emotionality.
Emotional healing a journey of healing and transformation. The core aspects of emotional healing as a path of practice involve stabilizing our minds through the practice of mindfulness and meditation, and then healing the psychoemotional wounds that we’ve carried for many years. This page will focus on concrete practices for understanding and transforming our deep-seated emotional afflictions, so we can free up energy from endless reactivity and learn to live each day with greater well-being and equanimity.
Grounded in practices of mindfulness, we can learn to be present and open to strong emotions (such as anger, fear and sadness) instead of our habitual patterns of pushing them away or being swept away by them. Holding these feelings in mindful awareness we can look deeply into their origins in our past conditioning. We recognize emotional patterns, identify the misperceptions that feed them, and see clearly their true nature of impermanence and insubstantiality.
The readings recomended at the bottom of the page can present a clear and systematic path for developing the skills and competencies that enable us to take care of our emotional suffering, and lead to self-healing and personal transformation.
A solid foundation of mindfulness and meditation is essential to our healing and transformation.
Setting My Intention
What are my heartfelt aspirations/intentions for this life? How do I want to be in this present moment? In this flow of life? In relationship to myself, to others, and to the planet?
If I examine how I currently spend my time and energy, is it in alignment with my aspirations and intentions? Or am I driven by certain goals, such as making money, being successful, pursuing pleasure, or being well-liked?
If my current energy and actions are not in alignment with my heart's true aspirations, how might I attain more alignment with my aspirations for this life?
Mindfulness Practice
When we practice mindfulness we re-establish our connection with ourselves. We engage in a relationship lovingly and unconditionally. We practice non-judgemental loving awareness. Allowing whatever comes up to come up. Letting it be as it is. This is creating an unconditional loving internal relationship with ourselves. And in turn, this allows us to be unconditionally loving to others. This in turns keep me out of the "distressed mind" undoing the conditioned patterns and self-grasping autopilot that keep me so constricted, busy, and stressed.
What are the qualities of awareness I want to bring to this moment?
What are the qualities of awareness I am bringing to this moment?
How am I holding this loving space for others?
Am I practicing being "just here", watching where my mind is going?
And am I bringing nonjudgmental loving awareness to this moment?
Unconditional Non-Judgmental Loving Relationships
What are the good ingredients to create unconditional loving relationships with myself as well as others?
Security: Felt sense of safety. Everything is OK.
Attention: Feeling seen. Giving someone genuine attention. Showing up and being present to them. Everyone wants to feel seen.
True Presence: Feeling known more deeply. I see you suffering, and I am here for you. The six mantras of True Presence.
Agency: Feeling valued and capable. Responding to the other person and allowing them to receive what they need. Encouraging them to experience the full expression of what is arising. Encouraging to be their best self, without trying to fix it or manipulate the situation.
Specific Practices
R.A.I.N. (from Radical Compassion) & G.R.O.U.N.D. (from The Wakeful Body) [Summary included below]
Befriending Your Inner Critic
Notice the narrative of your inner critic. This should not be something you force but something that you just keep an eye out for as you go through your day.
When the self-judging, self-critical voice arises, ask your inner critic point-blank, “Is this really true?” and “How do you know?” and even “Who are you?”
As you ask these questions, you may notice your inner critic responds defensively or recoils. Look underneath her bluster for the feeling tone. This is like the inner critic’s secret self. The feeling tone is wordless, usually vulnerable, and may communicate in images rather than words. Follow this straight into your subtle body. Where is the feeling manifesting in your body? Your heart? Your head? Your abdomen?
Come alongside the feeling with curiosity and gentleness, as you might come alongside a friend.
Inhale some space around your feeling. Surround this space with a soft, compassionate, witnessing attention.
You might say to your inner critic’s secret self: You are welcome here. Let us breathe and practice together.
Sit and breathe together. Befriend.
North Star Gatha
Do anything without any indecision or hesitation.
Without expectations or doubts
all actions are completely free.
Behavior becomes like a peacock`s,
taking all negative obstacles and appearances as blessings.
When unhappy, abide completely in unhappiness;
when hungry, abide completely in hunger;
when afraid, abide completely in fear;
when you don’t like something, abide completely in the state of not liking.
When phenomena is an obstacle, be careful;
when phenomena becomes your friend, liberate yourself.
Then everything becomes a benefit to your practice.
Practice G.R.O.U.N.D
Ground, Relax, Open, Untangle, Nurture, & Disolve
At first, try this practice standing, with your hands at your sides. Spend at least one minute with each of the six instructions, before moving on to the next. Over time, you can enact all six instructions in a shorter time frame, as a practice that you do on the spot in daily life.
Earth Body
Ground: Allow attention to be drawn to your body’s natural earthiness and groundedness. If you are standing, let attention go toward your feet. If you are seated or lying down, let your attention go to wherever your body meets the earth. Be in your physical body.
Relax: Notice where tension is held in your body and release it. Invite a few slow, deep breaths into your belly, shoulders, arms, face—wherever you are holding tension. With every exhale, release.
Subtle Body
Open: Feel your posture lengthen, your shoulders relax, and your chest open. Starting with your heart area, feel your body and senses open up. Open your ears, nose, eyes, mouth, heart, and mind. Be in your subtle body.
Untangle: Scan your body and mind. What residue of feeling is present in your subtle body? What anxiety, sadness, loneliness, apathy, ruminations are present? Whatever you encounter in yourself, notice where it lives in your body. Make room for it with kindness. Befriend.
Body of Truth
Nurture: Allow your attention to move your eyes. Raise your gaze and widen your field of vision, keeping your gaze soft. Relax completely and let your mind expand outward infinitely. Be effortless. Nurture your relationship with awareness. Be in the body of truth.
Dissolve: Finally, relax all effort and let all practices just melt into space. Stop trying to do anything at all. Allow the separation between mind and body, mind and prāṇa, self and world dissolve. Dwell in the great oneness beyond description and beyond thought.
This practice of GROUND is simple but powerful. Play with the length of time you spend on each step. Sometimes take the practice onto your cushion (as a formal meditation practice) or use it to begin your yoga practice. Sometimes try it before sleep. Remember GROUND when you are experiencing stress or fear and need a way to move from your ruminating thoughts into your body’s natural wisdom field. GROUND will gradually lead you to embody wakefulness in your daily life.
Readings
Radical Compassion by Tara Brach
The Wakeful Body by Willa Blythe Baker
Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hanh
Flowers in the Dark; Reclaiming Your Power to Heal from Trauma with Mindfulness by Sister Dang Nghiem
Emotional Alchemy: How the Mind Can Heal the Heart by Tara Bennett-Goleman
Supplemental:
Awakening through Love by John Makransky