Transforming Blame into the Path

Even if someone broadcasts all kinds of unpleasant remarks

About you throughout the three thousand worlds,

In return, with a loving mind,

Speak of his good qualities—

This is the practice of bodhisattvas.

Attachment to Reputation

Imagine someone savagely criticises you, deriding you, ruining your reputation, and telling dreadful lies about you, and you have no recourse to tell your side of the story to clear your name. Let alone endure someone publicising this in three thousand worlds, we cannot bear someone saying horrible things about us to even one person! We don’t like it when somebody makes one nasty comment about us to one person, let alone broadcast all kinds of lies that make everyone in the three thousand worlds mistrust and dislike us. Imagine the suffering you would experience if someone did this to you.

What does the Bodhisattva Togmay Zangpo recommend we do in such a situation? Take out a full page ad in the New York Times and explain our side of the story? No. Criticise the other person in return so that his reputation is totally shattered? No. Curl up in a ball and feel sorry for ourselves because no one understands or supports us? No. Instead he tells us in return to speak of his good qualities with a loving mind. This sounds impossible and we may wonder if the Bodhisattva Togmay Zangpo is crazy. We think, “Speak of this guy’s good qualities? He has no good qualities. Anybody who criticises me is bereft of good qualities.” Isn’t this the criteria we use to evaluate people? Somebody who likes me is a good person, and someone who doesn’t like me is a bad person. Is this a good way to evaluate other people? Is it a good way to select friends?

We are so easily manipulated. Somebody comes along and, with a manipulative motivation flatters us. We sit there and bask in it, wanting more praise. We think anyone who says something nice about us is a wonderful person. We have no discriminating wisdom. Somebody praises us, and we love that person, even if he is trying to harm us and manipulate us. We fall for praise so easily. On the other hand, when a friend sees us act in a harmful way and out of genuine concern says, “Please be careful how you are acting,” we get furious. Our defences spring up, and we scream, “You’re not my friend anymore. Why are you criticising me? People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” Yet this person is commenting on our behaviour because he really cares about us; he doesn’t want us to create negative karma and find ourselves in difficulty. But we consider that person an enemy and vow never to speak to him again. We hold a grudge against him and say bad things about him throughout the three thousand worlds, even though he was trying to help us with compassion.

The criteria we use to discern friends and enemies are totally skewed. We fall for the ploys of someone who insincerely praises us in order to get something from us, and we hate someone who out of genuine care and concern says something that our self-centred thought does not want to hear, even though the words are true and need to be said.

This verse counsels us to maintain a loving, compassionate heart even towards a person who turns others against us, gossips about us behind our back, and ruins our reputation. Instead of projecting “devil” onto that person, let’s recognise that he has the Buddha nature. He has the quality of kindness in him, even though he isn’t showing it towards us at the moment. He has been kind to us in previous lives. In addition, reputation is of no ultimate value. It is only other people’s ideas, and others’ ideas are fickle and changeable.

So, instead of clinging to our reputation, we say to that person, “Thank you for helping me realise that reputation does not bring happiness.” One part of our mind may say, “That’s wrong. Reputation makes me very happy.” Then ask yourself, “What happiness does reputation actually bring? What good do others’ changeable opinions about me do for me? Do they prevent me from getting sick? Do they stop me from dying? Do they make me any closer to enlightenment? Do they purify negative karma? From a Dharma perspective, what benefit does a good reputation do?” Looking at this with wisdom, we see that a good reputation does not bring us any benefit. If anything, it could harm us by making us conceited or complacent. Seeing that reputation is empty of meaning, let’s relinquish attachment to it. Doing so allows our mind to be peaceful no matter what others say about us. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to remain calm no matter what others thought or said about you?

~Commentary by Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron